here i am at 4.15 in the morning writing the first ever blog entry for the year 2008. i'm insomniac. or probably it's the tea i drank yesterday night which kept me awake till now.
i dont even care to type in proper capitalization, i feel lazy. blogger should really autocaps the first letter after the period.
i went to bed around 2am but kept lying awake and couldn't sleep, i tried singing words to songs which popped into my head but stopped sometime after cause i am worried that i'll wake up the girl next door.
and then there's that whining dog from one of the houses at the back row. maybe it's in pain, or maybe it's even whining cause it cant stand my singing voice which was projected to its ears.
gosh, i do wish i have a blackberry, eh? wont it be easier to actually blog through a blackberry in the middle of the night when something comes to your mind, instead of having go through the hassle of switching on your computer and then signing in to blogger to write a blog entry?
it would be much more....natural that way. being able to jot down whatever thoughts which goes through your mind at any time. then you'd truly be able to keep in memory what you truly went through in a day, in a week, in a year, in a span of your life.
if you write out what happened to you yesterday in your blog, won't the story be different? wont the feelings be different? 24 hours or more passed, after all, and feelings change as well as you forget things rather quickly.
as often as they say blogs are outlets in which you can freely express ur feelings, i think not many people are truly honest when writing blogs. or they could write it a different way, which is avoiding writing really personal feelings, feelings in detail. they would only type out their feelings and thoughts in general. writing about things which aren't about their personal issues. what they said about an online diary? nonsense.
people dont treat blogs like an online diary. i most certainly do not think my blog is an online diary. people dont really like to write about personal stuff on their blogs. they write about other things of their interest.
when we had our writing course and had to passup weekly journals it was good. i was able to write about things which are personal to me. personal thoughts. that was because no one would really find out my thoughts and feelings that way. only the lecturer. and i was rather happy that she told me she enjoyed reading what i wrote. not to be proud that i have excellent writing skills or anything like that for the praise, but i was actually happy that someone can read what i felt and thought, she did not judge me from my writing. if she did, who cares? i dont really feel much if the lecturer judged me as a person from my thoughts and feelings.
sometimes, i think thoughts and have opinions which i'd very much like to write down in the blog. but when i actually get myself to type it out, i just could not hit the publish button. in the end i just spent time typing all of that for it to be deleted forever. i guess it's some kind of therapy to get it out on the computer screen. at least i am inputting my thoughts into the computer if i cant get anyone to listen to what i have to say and judge me thenafter.
i have friends telling me their thoughts every now and then. i ask silently, why arent they writing this up in their blogs since they have one? they really care what people think of them, people judge others too often. smarter ones blog under a pseudonym, never linking to anyone, never letting themselves be linked, and only allowing a handful of trusted ones to have access to their blog.
what do you really feel right now? what's really on your mind right now? do u really write it all down in your blog? i have a feeling a majority would answer no.
i'm the kind of person who wouldn't want others to figure me out too much, i thought that i am one from very few who islike that, but i guess others discreetly are such people as well..
ugh, my head hurts from not being able to fall asleep..........
it's 4.48am now, i should probably go to sleep....
this time, i'll click the publish button, but like many other deleted blog entries before it, i hope it wont be deleted by me the next time i sign in to my blog.
and come to my senses, after sleep. right now i'm just sleepy.
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6 comments:
I used to write all those personal stuff up in my blog. But back then, blogging wasn't the 'in'-thing yet, and bloggers weren't that plentiful.
Plus, 'blogs' used to be a members-only kinda thing - like my hi5 journal, for example. More privacy then!
But now, blogs are so public. It has become a private corner in a public domain. Much like sitting in a toilet booth made of one-sided glass in a public park. The guy in the toilet can only see his own reflection from inside, but the park visitors can see the guy and all his toilet antics.
Hi saykhia, thanks for dropping by.=) I guess it's too late to delete this since someone read it lol.
Its true, blogs are very public, we can't write much personal stuff. Without people wondering what's wrong with you when you write about things you feel and think during dark moments, without people judging.
Blog, for me, is a place where I talk to myself.
Well, I can always write them down in my dairy, but I am lazy, typing your thoughts and feelings out with a keyboard is very different from if you write them down using a pen or pencil. I feel more impersonal with the former. And that's what I want. I want to make myself to think that this is not what happened to me, just telling a story, talking to someone else, that's all.
And I never hope for someone who understands me, so I actually do not like the idea of showing off what you like and love in my blog. Maybe when I feel like it, I will write reviews, make picture spams, download spree...and so on.... Who cares anyway.
Btw, I really like this entry, and I am the smarter one, haha, don't link me, where am I and who I am, you know I know (this make me sounds arrogant and selfish! =D )
Hi lovefighter, I'm glad you like this entry, I was delirious maybe when I'm writing this, but what the heck.
I always look forward to reading what you write, however emo it is. But I keep on losing ur link :S
Thanks, can I take that as a compliment? XD
Link... hmm too bad I can't let you link my blog :S When you forget, just ask me LOL won't eat you.
Delirious = good. I am like that too when I write, when you think too much, you just can't get anything right and ended up cancel most you wrote.
Anyways, my Japanese blog keeps giving me error messages recently so I thought I should have another blog just in case anything happen... the new blog host will be an English blog host *winks* I actually wanted to use my previous blog (bcs it has this lovely password protected function) but it's in Chinese XD
I will inform you if my new blog is on. I planned to keep my blog in bilingual but failed... OTL
My reply is looooong. I like spamming my friend's blog <3 *runs away*
p.s: You recognize me! (no. should say how come you know I am that certain-someone?!) LOL. I thought my nickname already so-not-implying-anything?
honest, sincere, truth. and getting it out there. i think that's what a good blog is about.
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